Athletes Redefine What It Means to Be Tough
By: BrentLee Threlkeld
Athletes are expected to show up for their teams, even when they may be struggling themselves. Balancing academics, practices, games, leadership responsibilities and relationships can add pressure to athletes already trying to meet expectations from coaches, teammates, family and themselves.
“You want to be there for your teammates even if you can’t be there for yourself,” senior softball catcher Nicole Waters said.
Even as conversations about mental health become more common in college athletics, athletes can still feel pressure to appear strong and in control.
Paula Struck, Bellarmine’s integrated mental health performance provider, said athletes face the typical stressors of college students along with pressures unique to athletics.
“But the truth is, is that they're just people dealing with the same exact life stressors and a little bit more complex issues because of their competitive positions,” Struck said.
Struck said those additional pressures can include rigid schedules, travel, disrupted routines, sleep deprivation, performance pressure and the possibility of losing a scholarship.
Rick Nold, Bellarmine’s women’s volleyball head coach, said he has watched that culture change over nearly three decades of coaching.
“I’ve been coaching for 30 years, roughly, and that wasn't even a conversation early on,” Nold said.
Nold said mental health has become a more accepted part of the conversation around his athletes.
“I think now it's a normal conversation. I think it's something that we talk about,” Nold said.
He said coaches have a responsibility to create an atmosphere where those conversations can happen.
“You want your team environment to be one that supports mental health and doesn't break it down,” Nold said.
Aiko Jones has experienced that expectation from multiple sides of the sport. After playing five years at the University of Louisville, Jones became a professional player with the Atlanta Vibe in Major League Volleyball while also serving as a Bellarmine assistant coach.
During her college career, Jones said she felt pressure to hide her own struggles because of the role she played on her team.
“I know that this is my role. I know that people look to me for this. I cannot let them know...that I’m struggling,” Jones said.
Jones said mental preparation is just as important to athletic performance as physical preparation.
“As much as you train physically, as much as you recover physically, you have to do that tenfold mentally,” Jones said “My mental game is the most important part of my game.”
Struck said the pressure to perform can build over time when athletes are balancing academics, athletics and a lack of recovery.
“That sort of chronic build of stress, the sleep deprivation, the lack of recovery, and rest time, can wreak havoc on a central nervous system,” Struck said.
That pressure to perform does not necessarily disappear as athletes move to higher levels of competition.
“I have come to realize that there's pressure everywhere you play,” Ella Bonnell, a senior Bellarmine field hockey player and member of her team's leadership committee, said.
For Bonnell, some of that pressure comes from being expected to lead while maintaining the appearance that everything is under control.
“I think being in a leadership position, there's definitely a pressure to kind of appear like you have everything together,” Bonnell said.
That can also affect whom athletes feel comfortable turning to when they are struggling.
“With coaches, it's incredibly difficult. With my teammates, it's incredibly easy,” Bonnell said.
Struck said stigma surrounding mental health can make athletes hesitant to seek help, particularly when they fear they will be viewed differently by others.
“Yes, I still think there is a perception that seeking help may, the fear may be that they'll be perceived as weak or lacking grit, right?” Struck said.
Support for athletes can come from the people around them noticing when something is wrong before the athletes ever ask for help.
Waters experienced that support from her teammates following the death of her father. When the anniversary of his death approached, one of her teammates knew the date was coming and made an effort to keep her occupied. They spent the day doing activities together, including building Legos.
“My team was really there for me,” Waters said. “My teammate made sure it was a good day. We just did some fun stuff to help keep my mind off of it.”
Waters said conversations about mental health have also become more common among athletes.
“Mental health has become a lot more acceptable now. Like, my teammates will talk about going to therapy and stuff like that,” Waters said.
For Bonnell, that openness has also made it easier to receive support from her teammates. She said her team has been supportive as she has navigated her own mental health and medication.
“My team has been really understanding and really supportive of me,” Bonnell said.
The difference between having people around and feeling comfortable enough to use that support can be significant. Bonnell said talking with teammates feels easier than talking with coaches.
Struck said coaches can play an important role in whether athletes feel comfortable seeking support.
“The best predictor of a student athlete seeking support is if their coach endorses that,” Struck said.
Jones said coaches can also help create an environment where athletes feel safe acknowledging when something is wrong.
“I think coaches can create that safety by being open about their own mental health,” Jones said.
Jones said this means checking in with athletes rather than waiting for them to ask for help.
That approach is informed by Jones’ own experience as a player. She said she still identifies with the athlete perspective even while coaching.
“I still identify as a player, and I want my coaches to check in on me, so I check in on my players,” Jones said.
Struck said changes in an athlete's behavior can be an indication that they may be struggling, even if they continue to participate.
“They're still showing up because often high performers still show up and train,” Struck said.
Struck said athletes may become less engaged, more withdrawn or more irritable when they are struggling.
The need for support can become much more serious than a routine check-in for some athletes.
Jones said she experienced that during her college career at Louisville. While struggling with depression, she said there was a point during a match when she experienced a suicidal thought. She immediately told an athletic trainer, who helped connect her with support.
Struck said athletes should not wait until their struggles reach a certain level before seeking help.
“There is no qualifying experience that a person needs to have in order to seek support,” Struck said. “Anything that is difficult is worth seeking support for, no matter your perception of how big or small.”
Jones said being open about her experience can help other athletes recognize that they are not alone in what they may be experiencing.
“I think that sharing that experience can normalize having those thoughts and show that it's okay to acknowledge that you're struggling,” Jones said.
Her experience also changed the way Jones understands strength. The pressure to be tough does not have to mean ignoring difficult emotions or pretending nothing is wrong, she said.
“To me, the ability to experience your emotions and experience them openly is a sign of strength,” Jones said.
That perspective has followed Jones from her time as a college athlete into professional volleyball and coaching. She said she continues to think about how athletes can be supported while still being held to high standards.
Nold said that balance is also part of coaching. Coaches still have competitive expectations, but those expectations do not have to come at the expense of an athlete's well-being.
“You have to be process-oriented, not outcome-oriented,” Nold said.
For athletes, learning that balance can also mean recognizing that their sport does not define their entire identity.
Waters said she once viewed softball as her entire identity. Over time, she learned that there was more to her than what happened on the field.
“Softball is not my whole world. Like, I'm gonna be okay when softball ends,” Waters said.
Struck said disruptions to an athlete's participation can affect more than their schedule or performance.
“Anytime there's a disruption to that, and it changes how they view themselves, and how they maybe sort of focus their time and attention, or even their sense of self worth and value,” Struck said “It can be really disruptive to, um, their mental health.”
Bonnell said she experienced a similar shift after transferring to Bellarmine. When she became unhappy with her athletic experience at Hofstra, she left the school without knowing where she would go next. Her transition to Bellarmine was initially difficult, but she said eventually rediscovered her connection to field hockey.
“It's all about the environment that you're in,” Bonnell said.
For Bonnell, finding that environment also meant learning to make time for herself outside of athletics and academics.
“I think I've really learned how important it is to have those little routines and those little self-care moments,” Bonnell said.
Struck said seeking help can be beneficial even when an athlete is not experiencing a severe mental health crisis.
“Even if you're at a baseline of coping and doing okay in life, we still want you to be excellent,” Struck said “So, even if it's a slight issue, that maybe isn't causing a lot of substantial dysfunction or disruption in your life, we can still grow and improve, and enhance our lives to feel even better.”
Coaches may need to pay attention to changes in an athlete's behavior and creating opportunities for athletes to speak up. Nold said coaches do not always have to be the person who solves the problem.
“At the end of the day, you're looking for the right answer, not…to be the one in the middle of it,” Nold said.
Struck said athletes can also be connected with professional support through coaches, teammates and athletic staff.
“Sometimes coaches explicitly state that they believe in seeking support and now make a direct referral,” Struck said.
Jones said strength is not about hiding what is happening, it is about confronting it.
“Being tough is facing what’s going on,” Jones said.
If you or someone you know needs support, here are some resources;
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988
Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
Bellarmine University Swope Counseling Center: Phone: (502) 272-8480. If outside office hours, press 2 to speak to an on-call counselor. Email: counselingcenter@bellarmine.edu
Bellarmine athlete mental health resources: Paula Struck, pstruck@bellarmine.edu, (502) 381-6314
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