College Students Reshape Friendships Throughout College
By: BrentLee Threlkeld
College friendships can look different by the time students reach the end of their college careers.
For some students, friendships begin with the people they meet in their residence halls, classes or extracurricular activities. For others, friendships develop gradually as they become more comfortable meeting new people and deciding which relationships they want to maintain.
Hannah Bailey, a senior chemistry major, came to Bellarmine not knowing many people. She was the only person from her high school who attended the university, so she had to build her friendships from the beginning.
“At first, I didn't have a lot of friends or know many people because I was the only person from my high school that came here,” Bailey said. “For me, it was a lot of meeting new people and kind of building friendships from scratch.”
Now, Bailey said her friendships include people she never expected to become close with, including students in different years.
“What I'm realizing now is that I have a lot of friends who are younger than me, a lot of friends who are older than me,” Bailey said.
Marcelo Herald, a sophomore sports administration major, said many of his friendships developed through the track team. He also came to college with friendships from Bellevue, Kentucky that he continues to maintain.
“A lot of my friends came from track,” Herald said.
Being part of the track team means Herald regularly spends time with many of his friends. Practices and travel provide opportunities for teammates to spend time together outside of the classroom.
“When you're on the track team, you're seeing these people every single day for hours at a time, and when you travel, you see them for the entire weekend,” Herald said.
Joy M. Jacobs-Lawson, social sciences division chair and associate professor of psychology, said the transition into college can create new opportunities for students to form friendships. First-year students are adjusting to more independence and responsibility while also figuring out who they are, she said. That can lead students to seek out new people while also trying to maintain friendships they already have.
While Herald's friendships have remained relatively consistent, Bailey said her approach to friendships has changed as she has gotten older.
When she first arrived at Bellarmine, Bailey said she often viewed frequent interaction as a reason to become close with someone. Now, she is more selective about the relationships she invests in.
“Anybody that I had more than one class with or that I would see for three hours a day, I would want to kind of become best friends with them,” Bailey said.
As her responsibilities have increased, Bailey said she has also become more aware of how much time she has available to spend with friends.
“I only have so much time in a day to spend with my friends, and I really should spend that time with the people that I want to spend that time with,” Bailey said.
That change has also affected how Bailey views time with her friends. As graduation approaches, she said finding time to spend together has become more meaningful.
“It's becoming a lot more meaningful for me to actually be able to spend time with people when we both can and to really be in the moment with them,” Bailey said.
Jacobs-Lawson said students’ friendships can change as they move through college, with some relationships becoming closer while others grow further apart.
“Some of them will continue. Those friendships, though, are still going to change. They're not going to be the same as what you were in sophomore year, in senior year, and then four or five years down, that friendships do change. Some people will grow closer. Some people will grow further apart,” Jacobs-Lawson said.
As students approach graduation, Jacobs-Lawson said they may become more intentional about the friendships they value.
“The ones that you feel like are the most fulfilling for you, and not in a selfless way saying fulfilling, but the ones where you feel like you're a part of that friendship, that it's a valued, those are the ones that you're going to want to maintain and kind of keep it,” Jacobs-Lawson said.
For Herald, maintaining friendships does not necessarily require a major time commitment. He said small, everyday interactions can help strengthen relationships.
“Staying in touch regularly, hanging out outside of school activities and making time for one another,” Herald said.
Herald said even joining a friend while they run errands can become an opportunity to spend time together.
“Just small stuff like that, I feel like really makes me close,” Herald said.
Not every friendship that begins in college lasts. Bailey said she has had friendships that she initially expected to continue but later realized were not relationships she wanted to maintain long term.
“I thought, like, oh, we have really similar interests. We have similar majors. I think I could really see us being friends for a really long time,” Bailey said.
As she got to know those people better, Bailey said she sometimes realized that having similar interests did not necessarily mean their personalities were compatible.
“I am not sure that our personalities align in the long term and I don't think that this is somebody I would enjoy spending that much time with,” Bailey said.
Jacobs-Lawson said changes in friendships are a normal part of moving through college.
“Losing a friend, especially if it's someone that you've been close to, that you've shared a lot and a lot of experience with, it's almost like breaking up,” Jacobs-Lawson said.
Bailey said some of her most meaningful friendships have been ones she did not expect to form, including friendships with younger students.
“I've developed friendships for me with a lot of people younger than me, which isn't really something I expected,” Bailey said. “I'm like, ‘Oh yeah, I really enjoy spending time with you guys.’”
Herald said his college friendships have remained similar to the friendships he had before college. While he is closer with his high school friends because he has known them longer, he said his Bellarmine friendships have become important as well.
“I would say they're very similar,” Herald said. “Obviously, I'm closer with my high school friends because I've known them longer, but the people down here are just as important.”
For Bailey, approaching graduation has made her think more about which friendships she wants to carry with her after college. She said maintaining those relationships will require continued effort as her life changes.
“I think as I graduate, I think it's gonna change to be like, I need to be even more intentional in that way,” Bailey said.
Jacobs-Lawson said becoming more intentional about friendships can be part of the transition toward graduation.
“So I think for them, oftentimes in that for sure, they're looking to meet new people. They're oftentimes looking, but also to maintain friendships, too. I think there's kind of a pull that I think some of your later questions probably get at that where you want to maintain some of the friendships you have, but you're also meeting new people,” Jacobs-Lawson said.
Looking back on her first-year, Bailey said she wishes she had been less likely to take changes in friendships personally.
“I wish I wouldn't have taken everything as personally or as seriously,” Bailey said. “Just kind of going with the flow a lot more as I've gotten older.”
She also said she would encourage her first-year self to be more willing to meet new people, even when those interactions do not immediately result in a close friendship.
“I would tell her probably to step out of her shell a lot quicker than she did,” Bailey said. “Just talk to as many people as you can, and if you form a great friendship out of it, great. If not, it's okay. You talk to a new person and experience a new thing.”
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